When I made the decision to be a stay-at-home mom, I knew that I was in for a whole new ride where budgeting was concerned. I had taken Dave Ramsey twice pre-parenting, and his envelope system and I were in an on and off again relationship. But my why I needed to save had never been bigger than my what I needed to do to save!
Once I had Jock and Luke my why definitely became bigger than my what. I always knew if I were given the opportunity to be a mom, I wanted to be a SAHM. I felt that I would do whatever it took to be the primary caretaker of my boys.
It did not take long to realize I had some prioritizing to do where my budget was concerned. All of the wonderful clothes, shoes, jewelry, manicures, massages, and dinners with friends were not going to happen like they used to.
At first, I did nothing for myself in order to try and save, and that quickly led to disaster. Once I came out of the fog and realized that self-care was a must in order to show up for my family as my best self, I found a way to add some “splurge” to our life. I have no regrets.
How I Decide What to Splurge On
The questions I ask myself to decide what I’m going to splurge on are, If I died tomorrow…:
- What would I wish I had done?
- What do I want the boys to remember me doing?
Now believe me when I say I am a woman who expects a lot and wants a lot, so the splurge list that I am sharing with you does not complete the answers to these questions.
When I decided I had to do a little something, I picked a few things from my SCROLL of answers that I could pull off without breaking the bank. I chose things that add abundance, spark, and joy to my days.
Time
I am an introvert who has always loved spending time with myself. Usually, I do something creative when I do get time to myself whether that be gardening, writing, dressing up or creating curriculum. Brene Brown says, “Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world.” Albert Einstein said, “Creativity is intelligence having fun.” In other words, using your creativity can contribute to emotional health.
When I became a stay-at-home-mom I breastfed my boys, so I would go months at a time without having even an hour of alone time. Not taking the time to be creative, took an emotional toll on me. As I aforementioned, I’m an introvert, so going months at a time without having much more than an hour to myself was miserable. Nothing against my children, I love them infinity to the power of infinity, but my temperament doesn’t do 24/7, 365. Shelly needed to be found!
I began to let my husband take on more and more responsibility when he gets home from work. He took on most of the responsibility on the weekend. I started this blog, and I became a mompreneur. It has been one of the best decisions of my life. I spend more time getting ready, putting on makeup, and picking out clothes. Looking your best helps you feel your best. I can see how all of this has added to my emotional well-being.
I highly encourage all mom’s to figure out a way to splurge on some me-time. Whatever it is that you need to do with yourself to be at peace, do it in this time.
It is super hard the younger your child. But as time passes, you should be able to spot 30-minute blocks here and there. Take advantage of those. It is not self-ish. It is self-love. That’s not a sin. There’s a good chance your child will treat themselves the way you treat yourself.
When I am with my boys, I am able to be more present and in the moment. This is an area of struggle for me because I’m a doer. Though I thought it impossible, I cherish our time together even more because they are no longer the only thing I spend my time on, and I focus better. Read 10 Simple Ways to Slow Down Time.
Diva Glamorous Wash by Tyler Candle Company
A while back, I used my cousin’s bay house to give myself a 3-day sabbatical. As soon as I crawled into bed the first night, the fragrance that surrounded me was heaven on sheets. Wowzers! The next day I went into the laundry room and found the container to the laundry detergent. I Amazoned it and saw the price. It was more than I’d ever spend on laundry detergent no matter how much money I had.
After three nights of being enveloped in Diva, I decided that I would be splurging on myself. I don’t use the laundry detergent on every load. I choose my special loads according to when and for what I want to enjoy this smell. Towels and bedding are a must for me. I even put it in a spray bottle with a little water and spray it on my furniture to freshen it up.
I am now on my 3rd or 4th jug. It also makes a great gift because this is a product people ordinarily wouldn’t spend extra on. I do! No regrets. I love the name just as much as the smell. DIVA!
If you’ve ever experienced any Tyler Candle Company merchandise you know it’s hard to beat. Even if you don’t do the detergent, I highly recommend a candle, auto air freshener or dryer sachet. There are different scents. High Maintenance is my second fave.
Pots & Pans
Years ago B.C (Before Children), I met a lady who would often discuss the dangers of Teflon. Being that I can’t stand to wash dishes or let them soak, I dismissed what she said and told myself she was overreacting.
Fast forward 15 years, more and more information came out about the dangers of different pots and pans and glassware, and I start to raise an eyebrow. I especially worried when I read a risk assessments report.
According to Tim Kropp, a toxicologist with the Environmental Working Group, if all future exposure is cut off from Teflon, it would take the body at least 20 years to detoxify Teflon chemicals. Finally, the EPA has recommended that PFOA be classified as a human carcinogen. If you are interested in the research, look here. I can not believe it is still sold!
Now that I took better care of myself and especially didn’t want my kids eating food that had been cooked in contact with toxicity I wanted new pots and pans. Then I started checking the prices.
It came down to deciding to make a smart choice. If a stay-at-home-mom has $300 extra, do you think she wants to spend it on pots and pans? Not this stay-at-home-mama! But the “takes 20 years to detoxify” part kept looping in my brain, so once again, I splurged! After much research, I chose the YL cookware.
Rodan + Fields Skincare
I have battled acne since the age of 12. (Read my acne story.) My bumpy complexion caused self-image and confidence issues. I had come to a place where I was so sick and tired of the acne and waking up to new zits each morning that it was depressing me.
I tried everything on the market, visited everyone who had a remedy, tried some home remedies, and prayed often for a miracle. That miracle finally came when my friend introduced me to Rodan + Fields. After I took the Solution Tool, I was prescribed Unblemish.
The cost of this product was more than I would usually spend on skincare products as a SAHM. I was so miserable with my skin, so I decided I was worth it. I splurged. It was a life-changing choice.
I am thrilled to inform you that not only is my face clear, but I am now a Rodan + Fields Consultant because I am on a mission to help others improve their self-image.
Oil Diffuser
After a series of unexpected events from 2015-2017, I let life get the best of me, and I was not my best self. I was battling postpartum depression, sadness, overwhelm and life stuff. If something comes up 2 or 3 times in a row in a short span of time, I take it as a sign that I need to act on it.
Throughout this time, diffusing oils for moods was coming up in my conversations, readings, and podcasts. I was already using essential oils through Auricular Therapy, perfume, ingesting and bathing, but I had not taken the plunge of spending money on a diffuser.
I decided to love myself and give it a go. It was a smart choice. The use of my diffuser has helped to create spiritual, physical and emotional harmony for my household. I diffuse for around 30 minutes in the a.m and 15-20 minutes in the p.m.
Sometimes I use a blend that benefits the boys depending on the mood I want to create, and sometimes I focus on myself. If anyone has any soreness or sickness it is always the priority as to what goes in the diffuser.
My boys have an appreciation for the diffuser. I involve them in choosing the mood (oil combination) we want. Then, I allow them to push the button to turn it on. They love the blue light on the dewdrop. I am creating a family cultural around the oils, and I am seeing that it teaches them that their moods and feelings are their choices.
If I had to do it again, I would have splurged years ago! I have plans for at least 2 more diffusers, and I am really interested in the ones for the car as well.
Eating Healthy
Before I got pregnant, I did not have much concern about what I put into my body. I chose what I ate from a control my weight standpoint, not a healthy view. We’re talking WeightWatchers heated meals for lunch and rarely eating supper.
As soon as I realized I was pregnant, one of my first thoughts was something like, “Shoot, I can’t continue to live like I’m living, eat like I’m eating, drink like I’m drinking, sleep like I’m not sleeping, and have a healthy pregnancy and child. This put me on an immediate path to research what were the healthiest foods for me to eat while I was pregnant. Then I researched again after Jock was born what was healthiest for him to eat.
At first, I thought I would eat all organics and try to cleanse my body of my past carelessness. One visit to the grocery store proved I would not be doing that. Eating healthy is not cheap. This set me on a path of more research. For days I researched what were the healthiest foods, which foods were necessary to buy organic and which foods were ok to eat nonorganic. It was surprising to find that there are many foods that are not necessary to buy organic.
I compiled a list of all my research that I keep near me while making my grocery list. I also keep a list in my purse to reference while at the grocery store.
You can get a copy of the printable list here.
Adding healthier food choices to our grocery purchases caused the bill to be higher than it would be if I were purchasing all nonorganic. I am sure there is a way to coupon, buy generic, buy local or buy in bulk that would save me money, but the only thing I have tried is growing my own.
I feel the healthy food is worth a splurge due to longevity, health, moods, hormone balance, and skin health. My conscience will not allow me to put a lot of yuk into my kids. I look at this as part of my parenting responsibility.
Call to Action
Doing things here and there to gift yourself with something that brings you joy is imperative. Recently, I did some research on self-care. I got to thinking to myself, “I wonder what Mother Teresa did for self-care. They say that you can only give to others what you give to yourself. We can not give what we do not have. What did Mother Teresa do for herself that she was able to give so selflessly? I need to emulate it.”
The answer I found was not what I set out thinking I would find. What I found broke my heart. In The Cautionary Tale of Mother Teresa, Suzanne Grenager exposed me to some truth about Mother Teresa that I had never heard. Grenager writes: (source)
Mother Teresa felt terrible about herself, pretended otherwise and was deeply unhappy for much of her life. But what I find most interesting is that she fell into despair at the very time she started devoting herself, exclusively it seemed, to being of service to others. My guess is she must have stopped directing her love and light (or what she’d perhaps have identified as God’s love and light) inward, in the mistaken belief she “should” focus entirely on service. However helpful her service may have been, the way she did it was not serving her.
In the first four years after becoming a mother, I could relate to Mother Teresa. I wish this wasn’t the area I had something in common with her, but unfortunately, it is. Before the scales were lifted from my eyes, I thought that sacrificing myself equaled love for my family. I was headed for rock bottom. By the grace of God, I am taking more and more care of myself which has led to flourishing.
I encourage you to give to yourself what your inner voice whispers it would like to have. Joan Sotkin says, “Your inner voice comes from the part of you that can see the bigger picture and helps guide you towards your true life expression. Your inner voice understands its connection to the all there is and feels the oneness of all creation.” Our job is to act on it!
Make a comment. I would love to hear how you splurge as a mom or share your thinking about the way I splurge.
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Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours! Remember to have fun, laugh and give God the glory! I love you! SS
