When you make the wise decision to quit spanking, it doesn’t take long before the questions arise. “What am I going to do instead of spanking? I can’t just let my child get away with murder. I don’t want to be a permissive parent. What if my child grows up to be a criminal?”
These are totally normal thoughts. Without a doubt, you have to have a mindset change when you switch from practicing punishment to using connection instead. You now take the time to teach the desired behavior instead of inflicting suffering for the wrong behavior.
The goal is to raise children who do what is right because it is the right thing to do NOT because they are afraid of getting hit or receiving any punishment for that matter. Think about it. What good is that for your child short term or long term?
The first belief that you must accept and own is that parenting is just as much if not more about your behavior than your child’s behavior. It is about your self-control and how you do life.
Children will be children no matter what. They go through developmental stages and they test the boundaries every step of the way. Your job is to model the self-control of navigating life within the boundaries. To do this well, self-care and connection with your child have to be priorities.
In order to be the best version of yourself, you have to be taking care of … Read the rest
Were you spanked as a child? Do you spank your child? Afterward, do you feel guilty and wonder if there could be a better way to discipline your child rather than hitting? Maybe your family and friends have told you the guilt is normal, and it hurts you to spank more than it hurts your child. Maybe the culture or church you grew up in believes in spanking? However, there’s something in your gut telling you spanking isn’t right.
Rewrite Your Family Legacy
Whatever your case, if your answer to any of these questions is yes, I want to share some moral reasons and research-based reasons you should quit spanking your child. The way your family did things does not have to be the way you do things. You can stop the cycle.
Ultimately, you decide what you believe to be right for your family. I encourage you to make an educated decision not solely based on opinion. You can change your family’s legacy from spanking to one of problem-solving. Essentially, you will strengthen the emotional health of your family.
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Spanking Is Controversial
Spanking is a controversial topic. I’m not here to argue or tell you what to do. I’m here on behalf of your child to ask you to read this article with an open mind. My job is to deliver the facts that research and child development prove. If you continue spanking your child, no judgment against you. I believe that … Read the rest
My Roots in Spanking
Spanking has always been something that I accepted as a way to raise a kid because that’s what the people I grew up around did. It’s just the way it was. My aunts and uncles spanked our cousins. The public school I attended gave “pops”. Most people in our community thought nothing of it.
“He needs his a**whooped”, was common to hear amongst parents from our community. Sometimes that statement was milder, sometimes it was harsher, but it was the norm. Parents took off their belt and popped it, asking, “Who wants it first?” You knew to straighten up or else. Few questioned: To Spank or Not to Spank? in my life.
A Friend’s Story
I remember in high school, my best friend told me her parents never spanked her. I made a big deal about it at the lunch table, and I shared what she told me. No one could believe it. We wanted to know how she got punished.
Later, I even asked her parents about it. Her mom said they spanked their other children some, but by the time their last child came, they found it unnecessary. She turned out just as good as the rest of us who got spanked. I share this story because I cringe at how big of a deal I made that they had never hit her.
I Question Spanking
The older I got, the more I started to question it. I went back and forth. I would … Read the rest