When you make the wise decision to quit spanking, it doesn’t take long before the questions arise. “What am I going to do instead of spanking? I can’t just let my child get away with murder. I don’t want to be a permissive parent. What if my child grows up to be a criminal?”
These are totally normal thoughts. Without a doubt, you have to have a mindset change when you switch from practicing punishment to using connection instead. You now take the time to teach the desired behavior instead of inflicting suffering for the wrong behavior.
The goal is to raise children who do what is right because it is the right thing to do NOT because they are afraid of getting hit or receiving any punishment for that matter. Think about it. What good is that for your child short term or long term?
The first belief that you must accept and own is that parenting is just as much if not more about your behavior than your child’s behavior. It is about your self-control and how you do life.
Children will be children no matter what. They go through developmental stages and they test the boundaries every step of the way. Your job is to model the self-control of navigating life within the boundaries. To do this well, self-care and connection with your child have to be priorities.
In order to be the best version of yourself, you have to be taking care of … Read the rest
Quitting spanking is possible. How often you spank your child, the reasons for which you spank, whether your parents spanked you and how entrenched your belief system and self-talk is in spanking are some determining factors for the level of difficulty you will have with stopping spanking. Whatever it takes for you to stop spanking, I urge you to do the work. Surprisingly, when I share how to stop spanking your child, you’ll find that spanking is not about your child but about your own self-control.
Are you up for the challenge?
Dictionaries define spanking as hitting, striking, and smacking. Sit with yourself for a bit and think back to the times you hit your child. I truly believe while you reflect, a piece of you feels something isn’t right about your actions.
Research shows spanking has multiple long-term negative effects that are not worth the short-term fix that spanking gives. If you are unaware of the effects spanking can have on your child, I encourage you to read 10 Reasons to Stop Spanking That Are Backed By Research.
After deciding to quit spanking, it took my husband and me 3 months to stop. It floored me it took this long. After a while, it literally scared me. The awareness of the fact that I could not go cold turkey on this spanking deal, made me realize how much self-control I lacked in the area. While surveying other parents who stopped spanking, they had the same experience. Just know, … Read the rest
Were you spanked as a child? Do you spank your child? Afterward, do you feel guilty and wonder if there could be a better way to discipline your child rather than hitting? Maybe your family and friends have told you the guilt is normal, and it hurts you to spank more than it hurts your child. Maybe the culture or church you grew up in believes in spanking? However, there’s something in your gut telling you spanking isn’t right.
Rewrite Your Family Legacy
Whatever your case, if your answer to any of these questions is yes, I want to share some moral reasons and research-based reasons you should quit spanking your child. The way your family did things does not have to be the way you do things. You can stop the cycle.
Ultimately, you decide what you believe to be right for your family. I encourage you to make an educated decision not solely based on opinion. You can change your family’s legacy from spanking to one of problem-solving. Essentially, you will strengthen the emotional health of your family.
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Spanking Is Controversial
Spanking is a controversial topic. I’m not here to argue or tell you what to do. I’m here on behalf of your child to ask you to read this article with an open mind. My job is to deliver the facts that research and child development prove. If you continue spanking your child, no judgment against you. I believe that … Read the rest
There are so many reasons to give your child choices. Depending on your parenting style, you may or may not be apt to do so. Either way, you can train yourself to become intentional about making sure your child has plenty of choice in their day. As a matter of fact, when you give your child choices and let them make decisions you will see your relationship with your child thrive. You will see your child empowered and wanting to cooperate. In the end, you’ll be looking for more ways to give your child choices.
The idea of giving my child choices was some of the best parenting advice I’ve ever received. The older the child, the more choices they need. By the time they move out, they should be making most of their choices, so they are well equipped for the real world.
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Some of the Benefits of Giving Your Child Choice
Giving children choices and empowering them to make their own decisions will help prepare them for life.
In particular, the early years are the best time for children to begin to learn about making choices and consequences.
Certainly, the ability to choose is the lifeblood of being human.
Giving kids a CHOICE also:
- Builds respect
- Strengthens community
- Invites cooperation
- Develops problem-solving skills
- Capitalizes on kids’ normal human need for power and control
- Builds trust
- Positive impact on cognitive development and moral development
- Teaches responsibility
- Develops a cause and effect awareness or all actions have
… Read the rest
High contrast books for babies have become more and more popular and with great reason! The best thing you can do to visually stimulate your baby’s vision and brain growth is to use black and white stripes or light and dark contrasting colors for at least the first 3 months. In addition, it won’t hurt to include them for 6 months. Study after study proves that babies prefer looking at high contrast colors over everything else.
How to Use High Contrast Books and Items For Babies in the Beginning:
- Due to an underdeveloped retina, keep objects and your face around 8-10 inches from the baby’s face, so the baby can focus in as best as possible.
- Black, white and red is the best to use on EVERYTHING. According to research, pastels are a waste of time, especially in the beginning.
- You can and should consider high contrast for your clothes, the baby’s toys, books, the mobile, crib bedding, room decor, blankets, items that you put around the car seat, and footsies. Preferably dark and light stripes.
- The movements of people and objects should be repetitious and slow and graceful.
- Use these items during the time you play and give attention to your baby. If they start to fuss, it means they’re tired of it, and you can try again later or tomorrow. Don’t overstimulate before nap time.
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#1. Brain Development:
Newborns’ brains contain … Read the rest
Maya Angelou wisely said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” This statement has so much insight. This thought is a sensible affirmation to apply in parenthood.
What if we were intentional about how we make our children feel? Maya Angelou said that we forget what people say and what they do. I want to suggest that with our children- what we say and do will influence how they feel!
How do we want our children to feel? Valued, respected, confident, strong, loved, positive, kind, helpful, and supported. However it is you want your child to feel, your words and actions need to be aligned. It sounds common-sense, but it’s not always easy in the heat of the moment. Let’s be intentional on what we say and do with our children. To be aware and give attention to how we make our children feel will have positive effects.
Let it be said, I do believe there are plenty of variables that impact your child’s behavior and how they feel that have nothing to do with you. But for the long term, we can take some responsibility.
My Family Will Never Forget How My Grandmother Made Them Feel
Several years ago, I spoke at my grandmother’s, my Momo’s funeral. She was a simple woman. A woman that we all loved and respected. She is the mother of 10 children and grandmother … Read the rest