how to be a more patient mom
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15 Easy Tips to Be a More Patient Mom

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Have you ever had a moment where your child barely does something or says something and you POUNCE on the child as if they committed the ultimate misbehavior?  Only to think a few minutes later, “Wow! I really overreacted. Where did that come from? I try so hard to be a more patient mom.” 

Have you made a conscious effort to think about what causes you to snap?  Everyone has a breaking point.  We have to be aware of the behaviors that drive us there.

I’m not necessarily talking about your usual triggers such as siblings fighting with each other. I’m talking about just an out of the blue Momzilla Moment about a usual incidence such as your child repeating, “Mom, mom, mom, mom!” or you see some toys lying around on the floor and you blow a fuse.

Here’s a common scenario. “God, please give me more patience.” You know what they say, “Be careful what you pray for!” Seconds later, your child is testing you to your max.

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How Do You Want Your Child To Remember You?

How do you want your child to remember you? I doubt you want them to remember you as being a ticking time bomb ready to explode when they spill their milk. This is why parents have to be intentional about their thoughts and allow themselves to feel their feelings and move through them. Basically, if you hold your feelings in, eventually they will come out in ways you wish they wouldn’t.

Of course, I wish I could tell you I don’t have any experience with this, but it turns out most of what I’m about to share. I learned from experience. Previously, I started paying attention to the times when I snapped at my kids, and I tried my best to figure out the reason behind the SNAP!

I got intentional about making sure it happens as least as possible by making a plan BEFOREHAND of what I would do when the scenarios occurred. You can too.

Why Moms Lose Their Patience? And How to Be a More Patient Mom

The million-dollar question. Why do moms lose their patience? 

1. Be Aware of Your Thoughts So You Can Be a More Patient Mom: 

From the moms I’ve talked to, this is a BIGGY!  You are thinking about something your husband said or did that made you mad, you’re wondering how you’re going to pay the bills, you’re still thinking about the rude comment your neighbor made or getting cut-off in traffic, your inner critic shows up and you start thinking of your To-Do List and what you should be doing instead of playing with your child, whatever negative self-talk has you all worked up…

Then “something” happens and you play out your emotions from that story on your child. Your child barely does anything and you freak out on him.  He does a level 1 misdemeanor and you react at the felony level. This happens because of the negative thoughts you were having before the incident. This is why parents have to think about their thinking! Your thoughts will create your reality.

Ways to Overcome: 

  • Practice Present Parenting. Forget about everything except this one moment. Watch how your child feels the energy of your full presence and responds with happiness and cooperation.
  • When you’re having these types of thoughts, take a moment. Give your kids independent time while you are intentional about doing something that will help you simmer and move through the emotions. Just an FYI, rehashing the negativity only escalates it. Feel it and move to something else.
  • You can journal your thoughts, so they don’t become your actions.
  • Repeat positive mantras and affirmations. Memorize Bible verses that inspire you to be your best mom.

Related Article:  The Art of Being a Present Parent

2. Avoid Distractions: 

We get distracted on social media, cooking, working from home, texting a friend back who thinks her husbands cheating, etc.  BEEP! BEEEEP!  BEEP! Your child’s radar goes off that you are sidetracked. Let the DRAMA-ARAMA begin! When the interruption abruptly occurs, we respond inappropriately.

Ways to Overcome:

  • Only/mainly check your phone when your kids have independent or nap time.
  • If your children are old enough, communicate and set boundaries before you begin the task.
  • Create a schedule or routine and include your needs and “me-time” in it as well.
  • Tell your child you need 10 minutes to do your task, and then you’re all theirs.

3. Filling Everyone Else’s Cup EXCEPT Your Own:  

When we’re depleted, we can’t give what we don’t have. Mom’s should be the sacrificial lambs of the family is outdated thinking that is getting us nowhere. It’s hard to change your mindset, I know, but it necessary.  We have to believe that self-care is by no means self-ish!  How do you want your child to grow up and practice self-care? Then, you have to model just that!

Ways to Overcome:

4. Have Age-Appropriate Expectations Of Your Child: 

Too often, we expect our kids to behave in a manner or do a task that is developmentally inappropriate. When our plans backfire, we lose our cool. Some examples can include when they act up in public and people start to stare, we wait for our names to be called at the doctor’s office for over an hour, or we expect them to sit quietly in a church for over an hour. We have to be mindful of their age. They are going to act like children because they are children. Why does it surprise us? Why do moms lose their patience?

Ways to Overcome:

  • When your child has challenging behaviors, always reflect on WHY they could be behaving like this?? Behavior is communication.
  • Keep back up snacks and bottled water in your car and bag.
  • Excuse yourself. Remove the child from the area. Go for a walk. Use some energy. Tell yourself, “This is not an emergency.” In fact, it is a wise thing to do!
  • Don’t try to rationalize with an emotional child. The part of the brain that helps us do this, the prefrontal cortex, is not fully developed until adulthood. Your child just needs support. 

Related Article:  Understand Your Child’s Brain Development So You Understand Their Actions and Emotions

5. Get Some Sleep So You Don’t Lose Your Patience: 

This seems like a given, but the only time you may have to yourself is after the kids go to sleep. If you have a lot to catch up on, you can easily look up and be in the A.Ms… If your someone who doesn’t have the energy or your losing your patience, make a promise to yourself that you’re going to go to bed at least an hour earlier.  Keep that promise for a week.  When you see the difference in energy and mood, it’s hard to go back.

One more thing, I recently read if you sleep well during the week but stay up late and sleep in on weekends you are doing your health so much harm.  (I was guilty!)  It’s called “social jet lag” and it’s serious.  It is linked to lots of fatigue, heart disease, and bad moods!

Ways to Overcome:

  • Get help and get sleep when possible.   Don’t stay up reading after a rough day.
  • Use your essential oils in the diffuser.
  • Go to bed at the same decent time every night. Set reminders, so you get in bed on time.

Related Article:  How Tired Moms Can Get More Energy

6: Overwhelm Can Cause You to Be Impatient: 

The clothes need to be switched to the dryer, supper needs cooking, the dog needs to be let out, the trash floweth over, and Suzy can’t find her shoes. By that time, the other child starts screaming, “Mom, Come wipe me right now!” and you’re supposed to be at ballet practice in 20 minutes!  

What I have found is most overwhelm is caused by not giving our family enough time to transition from task to task. When we start to feel pressured for time, then we react in ways we wish we hadn’t.

Ways to Overcome:

  • Keep a tasks schedule. On Monday I… On Tuesday I…
  • Adopt a What’s done is done the rest will have to wait mentality or mantra.
  • Let go of perfection. If you’re a perfectionist, I highly recommend Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection
  • Some things have to go undone for some seasons.
  • Give the kids chores. Go on Pinterest and search chores by age.
  • Asking for help is bold, not weak!
  • Make a plan for how you’re going to react when it gets chaotic. Related Article:  FREE 3-Day Challenge:  How to Put the FUN Back in DysFUNctional 

7. Don’t Let Your Hormones Turn You Into An Angry Mom

Fluctuating hormones can cause women to have mood swings and anxiety and depression. This is one rollercoaster that is no fun to ride. All women are affected differently, so you have to pay attention to your patterns. We do not want this one week out of every month to be so dramatic that it affects our family. Track your periods and be intentional about how you will combat your moods.

Secondly, if you’re leaning more towards the anxiety and depression symptoms, talk to your doctor. Postpartum depression is common, and it’s something you have to talk about. Some women experience it for longer periods of time. Sometimes, it starts later for some moms. If you’re dealing with long periods of sadness please talk to your doctor for your sake and the sake of your family.

Ways to Overcome:

  • The easiest way to track your period is to use an app. I use the FREE version of Life. You can track your moods in this app. You can set alerts and have a plan for remaining calm and trying to be a more patient mom.
  • Eat plenty of legumes to combat moodiness.
  • Stay away from extreme dieting or weight loss.
  • Eat fewer sugars,
  • Eat more fatty fish.

Related Article:  12 Ways to Balance Hormones Naturally

8. Choose Your Battles

Parents would do well to choose their battles. Certainly, sometimes parents nitpick stuff that they could overlook. Many experts say to put an emphasis on respect and disobedience. After that, prioritize what else needs attention. Obviously, we as parents have our pet peeves. It would do us good to try to breathe through them often.

Ways to Overcome:

  • Choose specific skills to work on with your child. Concentrate on those issues and ignore others. Eventually, when those skills are accomplished, trade them for new skills to focus on.

9. Create Family Routines

Study after study shows that children who grow up with daily routines benefit academically, physically, psychologically, socially, mentally, and any other …ally you can think of. I mean, just Google the benefits of keeping kids on a routine and you can create an endless list. 

In case you’re still not convinced, here are the top 10 Ways Daily Routines Benefit Families.

  1. People who live by a routine are happier.
  2. When you live by a daily routine, you are more likely to reach your goals than live on impulses.
  3. Adults feel a sense of purpose, and children feel a sense of security.
  4. People who live by a routine have less stress.
  5. Routines build stronger family bonds.
  6. Families who follow routines are more likely to pass on values and traditions.
  7. Families who live by routine get through the hard times a little easier than those who don’t.
  8. Children who grow up with a routine develop a sense of responsibility and time management skills.
  9. Families with routines have healthier habits.
  10. Last but not least, a routine promotes better behavior.

    **Bonus: Predictability equals fewer tantrums, meltdowns, or room for chaos! Win, win, win:)

Ways To Overcome:

Read How To Create A Customized Daily Routine For Your Family and take action. Create a routine that works for your family and stick to it. Reap the rewards.

10. Be A Present Parent

It goes without saying, present parenting is something you have to be intentional about. You have to make up your mind that while you’re with your family, it’s family. While your working, it’s work. While you’re at church, it’s worship and faith. And so on and so forth. Then you just start practicing shrinking moments down and focusing on the task at hand.

In studying the art of being a present parent, I learned that many people are seeking balance, control, and freedom in their life. If we are intentional about BEING wherever we are in the moment at that moment we will start to feel better about all 3 of these areas. The goal is present living! The more present you are the more you will enjoy your family.

Ways To Overcome:

  • Put your phone away and give your child some one-on-one time.
  • Try your best to be where your feet are.
  • Have daily traditions with your kids.
  • Look your child in the eyes when they speak to you.
  • Know your limits. When you get edgy, give yourself a break.

11. Consider Things From Your Child’s Point Of View

When you walk in your child’s shoes, it will help you to see the world from your child’s perspective. Really taking the time to understand your child’s temperament and where they are developmentally helps you better relate to them.

 It may help you to take a walk down memory lane and try to remember how you felt when you were a child. What are your memories of how adults related to you? Be the adult you wish you had in your life when you were a child.

Ways To Overcome:

  • When your child is doing something that is getting on your nerves, pay attention to what is at the root of the problem.
  • Know that your child is not trying to be a problem, they are having a problem.
  • Remember that your child acts like a kid because he is a kid.
  • Notice and acknowledge your child as often as possible.
  • Whenever you start to get upset, stop, drop, and breathe.

12. Give Yourself A Time Out

When you feel like you are annoyed or losing control or responding to your child in an unkind manner, a timeout can help you get control of your emotions. Just a few minutes alone can help you gather your thoughts and get back to being the parent you want your child to remember someday.

When our child is unable to control their emotions, we don’t hesitate to give them a time-in. We let them sit somewhere near us and breathe and release their emotions. So why is it that we don’t do it for ourselves? We try to push through, and then we say and do things we regret. 

Start separating yourself from the cause of frustration, so you can decrease the chances of an angry interaction such as yelling at your child.

Ways To Overcome:

  • First, learn to recognize your triggers.
  • Next, step away from the area of frustration when you realize you are triggered.
  • Third, breathe in through the nose out through the mouth until you feel your body relax. Breath deeply at least 6 times.
  • Finally, wait until you can respond with intention. “Honey, it hurts my feelings when you continuously ignore my request. I feel disrespected.”

13. Focus on The Positive

Kids respond to our energy. You know the saying, “Energy flows where the attention goes.” Every time you appreciate your child, every time you love something about him, you’re giving him a clear message: More of this, please!

Every human needs to be seen, heard, and valued like they need food and water!

Ways To Overcome:

  • Undeniably, give high-fives when you see behaviors that you like.
  • Mention when you are pleased. “I appreciate when you…”
  • Above all, notice your child often. “I see you putting the puzzle together. I notice you washed your hands after you went potty.”

14. Parents Say No When They Could Say Yes

All too often, parents say no when they could be saying yes. Can you believe that on average 1-year-olds hear no over 400 times a day? Believe it! The research was done.

This isn’t about saying YES all the time.  Children need healthy boundaries.  This is just rethinking some of your NOs.  And when you need to say NO, it’s rewording how you say it.

When kids hear yes more often, it improves the parent-child relationship, helps them internalize decision-making skills, builds their self-esteem because they feel trusted, encourages your child to ask for what they want, and aids in building their creativity. Not to mention, it helps to strengthen your bond with your child. These are just some of my favorite benefits. There are many more!

Ways to Overcome:

  • Finally, read here, to find out how to become a YES parent!

15. Will It Matter In 5 years?

Patience Is Not Easy

Given these tips, I hope that you have found something that you know you can be successful at.

We can’t control everything that’s going to happen to us throughout the day. Life is going to happen. The only thing we can do is get intentional about how we respond to what happens to us.

Just being aware of behaviors that lead to Momzilla moments and being intentional on what to do instead, is enough to make a difference.

If you are finding yourself pouncing on your child out of the blue, REFLECT. Ask yourself: What was I thinking about previously? What was I doing? What language should I have used? What’s my new script? How can I change my behavior? How can I react differently?

As always, don’t hesitate to apologize to your child for overreacting. Be as honest with them as possible. Don’t blame or make excuses about why you lost your patience.

More On Motherhood

Want More On Self-Care?

You’ve got this.  In case no one has told you lately, you are ENOUGH! and you are loved!  God loves you, your kids love you, and I love you!  You can be a more patient mom.

Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours!  Remember to have fun, laugh and give God the glory! I love you! SS

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